cocaine tombstones

Take off my white nightgown

take off my gleaming pearls

Oh darling,

Do I terrify?

 

I, an idealized woman,

have nothing left

but shadows that I can never seem

to catch

and scars like the lines of cocaine

I bathe in at dawn.

 

My eyes are not eyes

anymore

they are ghost stories told at midnight

and hollow screams for help

because I haven’t eaten in three days

What’s the point, really?

 

My skin is not skin

anymore

it is the curtain

hiding a graveyard

of all the lives I’ve taken

by trying to take my own.

 

I am simply

mismatched features

cut up from magazines

and thrown together

with no rhyme or reason

 

And it is clear

that I do not belong

in this world of

dreams and starry nights

that attract

the innocent and the pure

 

Because I was not made

to make wishes on eyelashes and candles

I was made

to destroy them.

 

I am not of

this Earth-

of forest floors and crystal streams

and crowds that love to watch

the pretty girl fall

 

And I long to return

to my paradise

painted red

and decorated

with death.


 

This poem was heavily inspired by Sylvia Plath’s “Lady Lazarus”. The poem focused on the beautifully haunting life of a woman who had attempted suicide multiple times, but never achieved her goal. I really connected with this piece, and I think it’s because of the constant theme of emptiness within her. She describes herself as only being the scraps of physical aspects of herself, which is something I’ve been trying to focus on in my own writing. I find that a lot of my poetry recently has been touching on the aspect of death and being emotionally scarred and unavailable, and I think I love writing about it so much because it evokes such strong emotion within me that I never knew I could find.

One thought on “cocaine tombstones

  1. Dear Alysha,

    What a gorgeous place! It reminds me of what we are studying in English right now–that idea of appearances versus reality. The lines “My skin is not skin/anymore/it is the curtain/hiding a graveyard/of all the lives I’ve taken/by trying to take my own.” Here, it’s almost as if the narrator hides behind a facade (appearance) to mask the true extent of her unhappiness (reality). Makes a great contrast between the two!

    I would also like to commend you on the style of this emulation. Not only do the two poems share similar themes, but they also share similar structures. For example, both you and Plath also make use of enjambment in order to transition from one stanza into the next one–this is what makes it flow so well. Great cohesion!

    In terms of things to work on, I would recommend expanding on the ideas you wrote about in the last stanza (I can’t get enough of this poem and I need more aghhhh!). Maybe some more imagery to show the juxtaposition between this “paradise” and death. But that it really all I have to say in terms of improvements go.

    Thanks for sharing Alysha! Beautiful!

    Never stop writing,
    Jade

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