if i ever have a daughter,
i will make sure to tell her
a man should love her selflessly
or not at all.
i will tell her that she is composed of
stardust and gold
and even though she may see
dark circles under her eyes
and bruises forming where he kissed her,
she was beautiful long before
he told her she was.
i will look at her almond eyes
resembling mine
and make her understand that i feel the weight of her pain
(even when i don’t say it).
i feel the tears silenced by bedsheets at 2 am
and i see the lies she will weave
in order to protect me.
when i tuck her hair behind her ear,
and hug her so tightly she’s afraid she’ll break,
i hope she knows i am always ready
to help put her back together.
if i ever have a daughter,
i will show her that i understand heartbreak
by telling her about the time
i couldn’t sleep for two weeks
because my heart strings were being pulled
by a boy hiding behind illusions
and i will tell her i loved him
despite the way he held on to my wrist
too tightly.
i will help her clean blood
off the bathroom floor
and then make her promise to never hurt herself again
and before she runs off to her room
i will show her the scar on my right thigh
from the time i got too carried away
in my love affair with pain,
and how sometimes it still stings
when i look at a razor for too long.
if i ever have a daughter,
i will give her my poetry books and favourite novels
worn with ink bleeding into every page
from notes i had written in the margins
i will play the music my mom would turn on
in the car after a long day
and sing off tune to
just so i would sing along with her.
i will tell her that people write
and sing
about women as resilient
and extraordinary
as her.
if i ever have a daughter,
when the crescent moon shines
and sleep calls ;
when her eyes are barely open,
i will tell her
that she is enough.
This piece was inspired by the fantasy I’ve always had of having a daughters, and the pain and desperation that comes with loving someone so much and not being able to help them. I think a relationship between a mother and a daughter is one that can be so strong and so beautiful that it almost can’t be put into words. Through literature and through watching my mother love me, the one thing I truly believe is a mother’s love is one of the purest and deepest forms of affection one can encounter. However, there are some things that even a mother can’t fix. Sometimes when I want to talk to my mom about the way my life is going, or what truly affects me and tears my heartstrings apart, I can’t. because I know my pain will become a part of her, and looking into her eyes is looking into a part of me that I can’t even understand. For those eyes to be filled with sadness is something I can’t bear to witness, and something I know I won’t be able to take away. I wrote this from the perspective of a mother because I want to watch my baby grow and fall in love with the world around her, but as she grows, her innocence will slowly fade. I hope to one day be half as good a mother as my own, and to show my mom how much I really love and admire her.
Beautiful!
<3
alysha,
this piece is absolutely gorgeous. your words and thoughts and feelings all flow together to create an image, in my mind, of a woman that is strong and proud and beautiful and imbues all of these qualities into her daughter. this poem is hopeful and desperate at the same time, and your precise choice of diction and imagery really emphasize these contrasting feelings.
i look forward to more strength and pride and beauty from your future posts 🙂
– claire
claire,
thank you so much for your comment. it means a lot coming from a writer as talented as you. xo